I Want You Back
by anonymouswriterff
Summary: Fic based on the song I Want You Back by Natalia. Emily has been pushing JJ away for years, but now she finally realizes what she really wants.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this is my very first Criminal Minds fic so I hope I did a good job. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or something. I stopped writing about 8 years ago, but I've recently picked up on it again. I'm planning on writing a multi chapter story, but I wanted to see what you guys think of this first. If you say, hell no don't do it, then I won't write it. If you say, hell yes then I will.**

 **This fic was supposed to be a oneshot, but since it ended up on a 8k+ word count, I decided to devide it in two chapters. At first, I'd written it in third person, but I wasn't quite happy how it turned out. So, I complete re-wrote the story in Emily's POV. I wanted to give you guys more insight in her thoughts and feelings and the only way for me to do that was to tell the story through her eyes. Now I'm 85% happy with how it turned out. I hope you guys like it.**

 **The song it's based on is I Want You Back by Natalia. I strongly suggest you listen to it, it's a beautiful song.**

 **Also, I don't own anything! All rights go to CBS!**

 **Okay, enough babble, here's the story!**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Realizations**

 _Every night's a million years_

 _Since we're not together_

 _Time is crawlin'_

 _Crawlin'_

Even though we went to bed early, I can't seem to be able to find sleep. I'm tossing and turning until I end up lying on my back, staring blankly at the ceiling. I sneak a glance at the person to my right and let out a sigh. My life in London is pretty amazing. I have a job, I have a house, I have a partner. Still, that's not enough. There's something missing in my life and I know exactly what that something is. It's just not that easy to get it. Especially when, a few years ago, I decided to take the easy way out. The last case I worked on hasn't made it easier for me either. We had to find a killer who targeted blonde women with blue eyes, roughly the same age of someone I know back in Washington DC.

I was terrified that the killer we were looking for would decide to get on a plane to DC and kill a certain blonde over there. Clyde told me I was overreacting, but who wouldn't when you think the love of your life is in danger? On many occasions, I could turn off my feelings towards this specific blonde, but with cases like this, those feelings just grew stronger. I always believed that, with time, my feelings would subside, which is part of the reason I took this job in London in the first place. However, being away from my friend has been torture.

Letting out a second sigh, I push myself up and run a hand through my raven hair. I'm tired of fighting my feelings. Tired of hiding who I really am. Tired of not being with the woman I've always wanted to be with. Tired of pretending. I've always been able to compartmentalize cases, friendships, bad experiences, but not this. Not these feelings. When it comes to this woman, compartmentalizing just isn't an option. It doesn't work. There's not a single box she fits in, she's just _everywhere_ inside my head.

I allow my mind to drift off to the very first time me and the blonde have been together. It was also the very first time I've allowed my feelings to take control of my actions, something that rarely happened. After Penelope Garcia, my cheery friend and technical analyst, had been shot, we all found ourselves in the hospital, waiting for news. I'd seen how Jennifer Jareau, obviously the woman who causes all these feelings, sat down on a chair, resting her chin in her hand. I had been the one to sit next to my colleague, to take her hand and to give her some comfort. She had gladly accepted the gesture as she turned her hand for me to take. After the case was over, I suggested I'd take her home. She hadn't said no. Allow me to take you back to that specific evening.

 _"Thank you for driving me home," JJ said to me as I turned the key to silence the engine of my car. I noticed her shift slightly in her seat, playing with the keys to her house in her left hand. Her right hand was resting on the inside door handle of my car. Her beautiful blonde hair partially covered her face, but I could tell she was biting her bottom lip. Something she used to do when she was nervous. "I know it's late, but ehm.. would you mind coming in for a moment? After the day we've had I really don't want to be alone for a while. Just a few minutes.."_

 _"Sure," I smiled a little too eagerly and we both climbed out of the car. I clenched my teeth for a minute. What harm could a few minutes do? I pushed the lock button on my key until it made a beeping sound, indicating it was locked, and followed JJ towards the door. She stepped aside to let me in first and I walked through the living room, straight towards her kitchen. "You want some coffee?"_

 _She set her purse on the kitchen table as she replied: "I'd rather have a glass of wine after a day like this. There's white in the fridge and red in the second cupboard of your right. You pick." I could feel her eyes staring in my back as I took the white wine out of the fridge and poured in two glasses. When I turned to face her, both glasses in hand, I noticed she was leaning against the kitchen island. "Thank you."_

 _"For what?" I asked as I handed her one of the glasses._

 _"For everything today. For back at the hospital. I really needed that, so thank you." God that smile was beautiful. She sipped her wine and I could feel a smile grow on my own lips._

 _"It's fine, it's what friends do," I said and, unconsciously, I took a step closer towards her, leaning my hip against the kitchen island in a similar matter. My voice came out softer as I intended as I added. "It's been a rough day, you should try and get some sleep."_

 _"I don't think I can." The sadness in her voice was evident as her eyes fell to the ground. I knew she was thinking back to the moment she'd gotten the news about Garcia. We were all shocked to find out. I swallowed as I reached out and gently rested my hand on her upper arm. She lifted her heavenly blue eyes to search my brown orbs to find a hint of what I was going to do. Hell, I didn't even know what I was doing myself. I took another step closer and set my glass on the table before slowly pulling her in a comforting hug. I felt her set her glass on the counter as well before she rested her head against my shoulder. It always amazed me how well our bodies seemed to fit together. I closed my eyes for mere seconds and, even though I couldn't see her face, I knew her eyes were closed too. "Stay."_

 _It had barely a whisper, but I heard. It was such a bad idea for me to stay. I knew that I was developing feelings towards this gorgeous woman. I knew I was treading dangerous territory. I knew that there was no way I could ever say no to JJ. I knew that, if I decided to stay, there was no turning back. I also knew, when it came to JJ, I would do_ everything _to keep her happy. I just wished I knew if she shared any of those feelings. So as I pulled back, I kept my arms around her waist while I studied heavenly blue eyes, desperatly trying to find a hint of what she was feeling. Her eyes were so focused on mine, watching me so intently that, even before I could find the answer I was looking for, I found myself replying, "Okay."_

 _My smile grew wider as I see her lips curved into a smile of her own. She took my hand and lead me up the stairs, leaving the rest of our wine untouched. When we reached the bedroom, neither of us bothered to change into something more comfortable as I watched her climb into the bed. Once she was settled, I followed her lead and laid down besides her on my back. The weight shifted next to me and it didn't take long before I could feel her head rest on my shoulder and her arm drape across my stomach. Laying like this sent a jolt of love through my heart and I hesitated for a mere moment, before wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her close. It was going to be hard to hide my feelings. Especially as I could smell her shampoo and her scent. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the consequences this night had. In that moment, I could feel my feelings were getting stronger. The stronger they got, the harder it was going to be to ignore them. I also knew that, right now, we both needed the comfort. It'd been a long day and after a few minutes, we both drifted off to a rather peaceful sleep in the warmth of each others arms._

The next morning, we returned to work as if the night before never happened. Weeks later, I found myself telling JJ to go for William LaMontagne Jr. That was me, taking the easy way out.

 _Told myself I wouldn't call_

 _Should've known better_

 _Cause I'm fallin'_

 _I'm fallin'_

 _Catch my heart before it shatters_

 _And make me live again_

Taking my phone off the nightstand, I slip out of bed as silently as I can so I'm not waking up the person next to me. I descend the stairs towards the living room and make myself comfortable on the couch before scrolling through my contacts. The sight of her name flickering on my screen makes me pause. For a minute, my heart skips a beat just by reading her name. This is the moment, I'm getting her back. I scroll just a little further to the name I'm actually looking for and for te second time, I let out a deep sigh before dialing the number. When the call connects, I say: "I'm doing it, I'm coming back."

"Finally," the voice on the other end replies.

I let out a laugh. "Yeah, I know, it took me way too long." I get up from the couch and walk towards the dining room, where I stop to look at a picture of me and a blonde woman. "I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep living this lie. I'm coming back to DC and I'm coming back right now."

"I will set you up with a jet and I will pick you up at the airport myself. As soon as possible?"

"The sooner the better." I disconnect the call and stare at the picture a little longer as a smile spreads across my lips. I'm really doing it. I'm going home. Home to JJ, home to the life I've always wanted. I only hope she still wants me too. What if I'm doing the wrong thing? What if I put my heart on the line and she decides to just let it fall? I can't think about that right now, I have to do this. Even though it might mean my heart will be shattered in a million pieces. She _needs_ to know.

I keep studying the picture. The way JJ's arms are wrapped around my neck, pulling me in a tight side hug. The way her eyes seem to lit up, not only with kindsness, but with happiness and even a hint of love. For a second time tonight, my mind fills with a memory. The memory of when this particular picture had been taken. It was right after the Dante case. JJ had gone to Gina's house to interview her by herself and at that point, we hadn't known she was a part of it. We all thought she was just the best friend of a victim. My heart had sank into my shoes when we found out Gina was behind it, all because of Ray, Dante's manager. Who, by this time, had whacked a freakin' shovel against JJ's head. A shovel for crying out loud!

We all rushed off to find JJ. I was absolutely terrified, especially since she didn't answer any of my calls. We didn't know what to expect, we only hoped JJ would still be alive. When we arrived at the scene, we ran straight to the backyard. There, we found JJ holding her gun at Gina while Ray was on the ground with a massive headache. I couldn't be more proud of our media liaison as I rushed to her to make sure she was okay. She had handled herself amazingly. Back in the jet, I had handed her a bottle of water before Garcia decided it was time for a much needed girl's night.

Wanna hear about it? Here we go.

 _"Hey you," I grinned as I opened the door for JJ to come in. Something was not right. I could tell by the way she was holding herself. Somehow, I could always tell when something was wrong with her. She quickly brushed past me to walk to the living room and I closed the door before following her. I decided to let her be for the moment and waved my Iphone in the air as I added, "Garcia's going to be half an hour later. Something about her car not starting. I bet you Kevin's the real reason though."_

 _"He's probably holding her up with a massage or something," JJ laughed, trying to sound happy._

 _Everything about her said she was laughing. Her voice, her body, that was one of the perks of being a media liaison. She could hide her feelings like the best. But not for me, I could see it in her eyes. She used to have this gorgeous sparkle in her eyes, which I couldn't seem to find. Those bright blue eyes didn't laugh and she knew I knew. Her eyes were softer, almost sad even, and I took a few steps until I was standing directly in front of her. My hand reached out to carefully inspect the bump on the back of her head. I felt her flinch, but she didn't pull away. I knew there was still something going on between us since I told her to go for Will. Even though she had a baby boy, we still had moments. Moments that probably shouldn't happen when someone is in a committed relationship. "How are you feeling?" the concern in my voice is honest._

 _"I'm okay," she answered with her best smile, but I could see right through that. A genuine smile now spread across her lips as she knew her media liaison charade didn't work with me. "Okay, fine, it still hurts like hell. It's not like it's the end of the world though. It could have been worse. I just.. Ray took advantage of Gina, who was in fact powerless to his manipulation. When you can get a person to do such things..."_

 _"I'm glad it wasn't worse though," I answered truthfully and against my wishes, I was allowing JJ to catch a glimpse behind the four solid, concrete walls I spent years building around myself. She's seen the flicker of love that reflected in my eyes, I could tell. My hands found their way to her shoulders as I continued. "And as for Ray, he's going to spend his entire life behind bars. What he did cannot be explained and we will never know why he made Gina do all those things. Gina was ill. She couldn't help it. She'd never gotten the proper treatment. Something was bound to happen, even if Ray hadn't been there." A small gasp escaped my lips as I felt her arms slip around my waist. I didn't know if she's picked up on it, but if she did, she's not showing it. Carefully, I wrapped my own arms around her neck, holding her close. "JJ.."_

 _"Shh," she quickly replied, nuzzling her nose against the fabric of my shirt. This woman was freaking killing me. It was getting harder and harder for me not to act on my feelings. "Just hold me a few moments, Emily. I just want to feel safe."_

 _I was about to reply when a knock on the door startled both of us and we jumped apart. If she didn't feel the same way about me, she wouldn't jump out of my arms, right? Right? Shaking my head, I ran towards the hallway and smiled to myself as a familiar voice called out. "Penelope Garcia, Queen of all knowledge is in the house!"_

 _"Hey Garcia," I laughed and I opened the door for the happy blonde, stepping aside to let her in. "JJ's in the living room. What's that?" I pointed to the small bag, hanging over her shoulder._

 _"This, my dear friends, is a camera. We are going to take some pictures because it has been too freakin' long and I need them renewed in my little lair at work," Garcia explained and she set the bag on the table, taking the camera out._

 _I shared a look with JJ, noticing we were both equally amused by the technical analyst. I could even see the joy returning in her blue orbs, which brought another smile to my lips. "Come on, we go first!" She exclaimed as she stretched out her arm and took my hand in hers. She pulled me close and I was happy to see that the sadness had now left her eyes completely. A girl's night was just what we all needed, but somehow I found myself wishing it would've been just me and JJ._

 _She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me in a tight side hug. She was almost squeezing the air out of my lunges, but I didn't mind. She could do to me whatever she pleased. "Okay, JJ, don't kill the profiler! We still need her, you know," Garcia joked as she held up the camera. I quickly slipped my arms around JJ's waist as we both bursted into laughter, giving Garcia the perfect opportunity to take the perfect picture._

And that's the story behind this amazing picture.

My phone beeps in my hand and a text message fills my screen.

 **\- Jet leaves at midnight. London Heathrow. Can you make it? –**

Grinning at the text message, I reply quickly while eagerly running up the stairs.

 **\- Already on my way –**

I quickly change into my clothes and inspect myself in the mirror. Belt buckle a little to the right, watch upside down, perfect. I walk into the bedroom and sit down on the empty side of the bed, before resting my hand on the man's back. He doesn't stir as I gently shake to get him to wake up, which could only mean two things. Either he is fast asleep, or he's been awake this whole time. "Mark, I need to talk to you."

"Time has come, hasn't it?" He questions, not turning around. Startled by his question, I lift my hand off his back and rest it in my own lap. I look at the hands in my lap and swallow hard. The silence on my part of this conversation causes him to turn around and face me. "You used to call out her name you know, when we were..." A blush forms on my cheeks. "And I was fine with it actually, because you were here in London with me and not in Washington with her. I guess it was only a matter of time when you were going to figure out where you'd really want to be."

"Mark, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen," I reply, finally looking up to meet his eyes. "I just can't help but feel this way. I guess I thought I could bury my feelings for her, but the longer I spend time away from her, the harder it makes me want to be with her. I can't ignore this anymore. I need to go back. I need to try and get her back."

"When does your plane leave?" He asks, pushing himself out of bed to grab a small red suitcase from above the closet. He opens it and lays it out on the bed, before turning towards the closet again to grab some of my clothes.

I follow his movements with utter confusion as I answer his question. "Midnight. What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm helping you of course. Everyone deserves to be with the person they love, so do you, Emily." When he finishes packing the most important things in my suitcase, he closes it and makes his way to the bathroom to change into his clothes. "I'm even driving you to the airport."

Taking in a deep breath, I walk over to this amazing man, stopping him from entering the other room as I rest a hand on his cheek. "You don't have to do that, I will get a cab. Thank you for everything you've done for me here in London." I press a kiss to his other cheek before taking a hold of my suitcase and rolling it to the door. Before I go downstairs, I turn around one more time, hand against the doorframe. "You are a good man, Mark. Someday you will meet a woman who loves you just as much as you love her. Goodbye, Mark." With that, I descend the stairs for the second time that night as I take my phone to call for a cab. My heart is racing inside my chest. I'm really doing this. I'm going back to DC to try and win over the heart of one Jennifer Jareau.

* * *

 **Have you figured ot who the mystery friend is?**

 **R &R please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! So normally, I was going to post the last chapter of this story, but as I was writing the ending it kept growing longer and longer and it ended up in the length of an entire chapter. Therefore, this story will have _two_ more chapters instead of one. I hope you don't mind! Next week will be the ending, I promise!**

 **Thank you so much for your reviews, I'm happy you really listened to the song! I really appreciate it. I'm glad you think it's Garcia or Morgan, which makes the surprise even better!**

 **I probably should mention that this story takes place maybe a week after the episode 11x19 where Emily had returned for another case with the BAU. Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Old Friends**

 _If you think baby after so long_

 _That I'm over you baby you're so wrong_

 _I want you back_

 _Every time I kiss, I still kiss you_

 _No matter who it is, I still miss you_

 _I want you back_

 _In my life_

 _I want you back_

 _In my life_

As I enter the familiar jet, I take a seat near the window. I have this entire jet all to myself as my contact had managed to use the BAU's personal plane. Normally, it was forbidden to use it uny any other circomstances than for a case, but apparently my dear friend has pulled some strings. My head rests against the window as the jet taxies towards the runway, ready to take off. The engines roar and the plane picks up speed before it lifts itself off the tarmac and into the air, leaving all the pretty city lights of London far beneath us. I'm ready for the 8 hour flight to DC.

My eyes fall on the couch where me and JJ had been sitting while we were flying to Paris to fake my death. During that flight, I had seen the change in the blonde from the strong media liaison she was, to the fierce profiler she is now. We had a great talk on that couch. I suddenly remember what Mark had said before I left. The fact that I used to call out her name whenever we were sleeping together. I hadn't eveen known I was doing that. My mind drifts off to Paris. My night there with JJ was probably the trigger for me calling out her name. That particular night, we have crossed a line that was never supposed to be crossed. A line that had Always been thin from the moment we've met. A line that had been waiting to be crossed for about six years.

 _"I hate doing this you know," JJ said as we entered her hotel room in Paris. "I know it must be done, I know it's the only way to keep you safe, but I really, really hate it." She placed the brown envelope she had been carrying on the bedside table and my heart sank as I knew what it contained. My new identities._

 _I closed the door behind me, but didn't walk further into the room. I couldn't hide the crack in my voice as I spoke. "JJ, this isn't easy for me too. I don't want to leave the team. I don't want to leave you."_

 _She turned around to face me as she pulled off her coat and tossed it over the back of the chair near the desk. "I know." She didn't even try to hide the sadness in her voice as she ran both her hands through her silky blonde hair. I threw my coat over the same chair and as soon as I did, she walked towards me and firmly, yet careful of my injury, wrapped her arms around my waist. She gently rested her head on my shoulder. "I really hate losing you, Emily."_

 _Closing my eyes, I bit back the pain it sent to my heart. "You'll never lose me, JJ." I pulled back slightly, without letting go, to look into her eyes. "I promise."_

 _Her eyes drift to my lips, then back to mine. She knew my walls were falling apart in this very moment. She knew I was allowing her to see past them as tears welled up in my eyes. Those walls were build in years and years and she was the only one who could make them drop in seconds. She squinted her eyes slightly, blue staring into brown, looking straight into my sould. Never have I ever allowed anyone to do that. I swallowed as she rested her forehead against mine, whispering, "Emily..."_

 _I knew what she was trying to say. I'd known for a while. I'd known she shared my feelings, but all those years it had been unspoken. Disguised by subtle glances, subtle touches. Her hand came up to cup my cheek and it became harder not to act on those feelings. Those damn feelings that were making my stomach flutter. She inched closer to me, the tips of her shoes touching mine. I closed my eyes again. Then I felt it. The softest of lips, brushing past mine. Slowly, yet firmly, yet carefully. The kiss didn't last long as she pulled back and looked at me with questioning eyes, silently asking for permission to continue._

 _Her hands started to wander from my waist, to my lower back and higher, until they were resting on my shoulder blades. My own arms stayed around her neck, not wanting to let her go. One of her hands moved from my shoulder to my waist again, playing with the hem of my shirt. She brought her lips to mine as we both inched closer to the bed until it hit the back of my knees, making me sit down. Then she straddled me, legs on either side of my lap, as she pushed me down to lay on my back. She hovered above me._

 _"JJ, we can't.." I tried to say, but her lips cut me off. She deepened the kiss as she licked my bottom lip and for a moment, as our tongues touched, I completely surrendered to her actions. A low moan escaped my throat, surprising myself, and I pulled back again. My hands found her wrists, gently stopping them from making their way under my shirt. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes. "We can't do this. You are many beautiful things, Jennifer Jareau, but you are not a cheater."_

 _"You are dead, Emily Prentiss," she countered, leaning a hand on either side of my head to support her weight. Locks of her blonde hair tickled my cheeks. "One can't cheat with a dead person. Besides, I'm actually worse than a cheater." A soft chuckle escapes her lips. My eyebrow arched up, urging her to contunue as she grinned. "You see, since technically you are dead, that pretty much makes me a sexual sadist right now."_

 _Our laughter filled the room. Even after everything that's happened this week, she could still make me laugh. As our laughter seized, our eyes met, both filled with love. "You'd never be capable of doing such cruel things." I whispered and I brushed the back of my hand lovingly against her cheek before she kissed me again. This time, I didn't even try to stop her as her hands wandered under my shirt and landed on my stomach, tracing circles with her fingers. She tugged at the shirt and I sat up to allow her to take it off. As my back hit the matrass again, I was suddenly reminded of my horrific injury and the four leaf clover that now taunted my body. The injury itself was still covered up with gauze, but the bruising around it was evident. "Jennifer.."_

 _The use of her full name brought a smile to her face. She knew how much I loved her and she also knew what I was trying to say. "It's okay, Emily,you're still beautiful." She empathized her words with a kiss to my bandage. A lone tear escaped my eye and she leaned up to kiss it away. Her finger traced the outlines of the four leaf clover carefully, not wanting to give me more pain._

 _"It's going to scar, Jennifer. It's going to be there the rest of my life. It'll always remind me of.. him," I said quietly, biting back more tears. She rested a hand on my cheek, stroking it softly with her thumb._

 _"If only you saw what I could see, you'd understand why I want you so desperately," she started and somehow, those words seemed familiar. Her hand fell from my cheek to trace the four leaf clover again before inching down towards my abs. "Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe, you don't know you're beautiful. That's what makes you beautiful."_

 _Now the words finally registered in my brain. "Are you seriously quoting a One Direction song at me?" We both bursted out in laughter once again, her hands falling on either side of my face. She looked at me with those loving eyes and I knew that, whatever she was doing, it was working. I reached out and, with both hands, cupped her cheeks before pulling her down and kissing her._

 _Catching the surprised moan that escaped her, I now allowed my own hands to wander over her perfect body. It didn't take me long to throw her blouse near my shirt. Every insecurity was gone, the guilt I felt towards Will was pushed back in my mind and eventually forgotten. I had JJ with me, in Paris and God knows how long it'll take until we meet again. We both wanted this to happen, so it happened. Soft touches, hungry kisses, low moans. The evening was just about us. Sadly, this made saying goodbye even harder._

 _Don't know how it's been for you_

 _Are you seeing someone_

 _Just tell me_

 _Are you happy_

 _It's good to hear you voice again_

 _Better if you tell me you still want me_

 _'Cause you still have me_

 _You're the one thing that matters_

 _Do I matter too_

A little turbulence shakes me out of my thoughts. I turn my wrist to look at my watch, which I always wear upside down. It's a little trademark of mine, along with the belt buckle which always inched towards the right instead of in the center like normal people wear it. With still five hours to go before landing, I get up from my seat and walk towards the back to get a cup of coffee. As I sit back down near the window, I rest my head against it and close my eyes again. That night in Paris had been the only night we've ever slept together.

If I'm really doing this, then I need to do it right. I told Mark already before I left, but he's not the only thing I'm leaving behind. My job at Interpol is very important to me. Correction, was very important to me. Not as important as the blonde profiler who lives in Washington. This needs to be done correctly. I take out my phone and start a new message.

 **\- I quit -**

Those are the only words I send to Clyde. One of my friends in London. He probably already knows why I'm sending it. He was the one who go me through when I arrived in London to start my job at Interpol. I was furious when I got there, but then again, it had been my own stupid fault. I had a chance to be with JJ, but once again, I was a coward and I didn't do anything about it.

I left for London the day after JJ and Will got married. Hell, I even saved the guy first. I didn't want to stand in the way of her happiness. But then I got that phone call from Hotch and my heart broke. At first,I didn't want to believe what he was saying. JJ had been kidnapped. I dropped everything to fly back to the team to help them find her. Which we did. We even kicked some ass on the roof of the building. She had been so brave, but Askari's actions had left their scars. JJ was as damaged as I was. And what did I do? Being the coward that I was, I left _again._

 _"Thought I'd find you out here," she said to me as she found me in an alley near the bar, leaning against the wall. She halted right in front of me, crossing her arms over her chest to chield herself from the cold. "When I didn't find you in the bar, for a second I thought you'd left without saying goodbye."_

 _"I intended to," I tell her honestly as I take off my coat and drape it over her shoulders. The corners of her mouth move upwards and a smile spreads across her face at the gesture. "But I couldn't. Not after what you've been through. So I came out here, hoping you'd find me so were alone."_

 _She nuggled deeper into my coat and took a step closer. "Stay, Emily," she whispered, her heavenly blue eyes locking with mine. "I will leave Will. We can buy a house and live happily ever after."_

 _"You know we can't, JJ. I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. You deserve to be with someone like Will. You don't deserve someone who is broken in so many ways, who is full of scars and who makes poor decisions. You deserve to be happy, Jennifer." I rested my hands upon her shoulders and smile weakly._

 _"What if I wanted to be happy with you? What if I wanted to leave Will so we can be together?" She questioned, her voice breaking and tears filling her eyes. Suddenly, she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me close. Her head fit in the crook of my neck and I felt the warmth of her tears on my shoulder. My arms slipped around her waist, holding her close. Luckily, no one was able to see us from inside the bar. "I don't want you to leave again, Emily."_

 _I closed my eyes and pulled her even closer, our stomaches touching. "I have to, Jennifer," I whispered, nuzzling my nose in her hair. I breathed in her scent before gently pushing her back and keeping her at arm's lenght. My heart broke as the tears were still streaming down her cheeks. I reached up and brushed both my thumbs over the salty stray of tears, wiping them away. Pulling her towards me again, I kissed her softly on the lips before resting our foreheads together. Our tears were falling in sync as she squeezed me into a hug. One of her hands in my hair at the back of my head, her other resting on my lower back. I let out a sigh before leaving her like I always did. Heartbroken._

God, my heart is breaking all over again because of all these memories. I shake my head and close my eyes as the landing sign switches on. Doubt fills my mind the closer we get to the ground. Am I really doing the right thing? For all these years, I always told her we couldn't be together. Now, I'm flying to her and I'm going to tell her to leave everything because I want her back. Maybe I should just turn this jet around and fly back to London. Leave things as they are.

 _If you think baby after so long_

 _That I'm over you baby you're so wrong_

 _I want you back_

 _Every time I kiss, I still kiss you_

 _No matter who it is, I still miss you_

 _I want you back_

 _In my life_

 _I want you back_

 _In my life_

At around 3 a.m. the jet touches down on the tarmac. I push all my doubts to the back of my mind as I exit the plane and make my way to the luggage hall to collect my suitcase. Before I continue my way to the main exit hall, I stop at a vending machine to get the strongest coffee it can provide. I need to drink some courage. Wine is not an option right now. (Hell, I would even go for Vodka if I could get my hands on it) So coffee will have to do. Once I have the warm liquid in my hand, I slowly walk towards the hall where my friend's waiting for me. My heart is racing in my chest. There is still time to turn back. To pretend I wasn't even here. But what good would that do? I'm here now and I'm going to go through with this. This may be my only chance at getting her back. As i'm on my way to meet my friend, I remember a conversation I had with him right after JJ married Will.

 _"This is part of the reason you're leaving, right?" A male voice said as he found me watching everbody dance. I had secluded herself from the group, standing at a distance, watching her friends. Watching the woman I loved dance with another man, marry another man. "I bet she'd rather have you there with her than him you know."_

 _"It's better this way, Rossi," I replied, crossing my arms over her chest. "She deserves someone who can treat her right. Will's a good guy."_

 _"He's not you," Rossi smiled, mimicking my position as he turned his head towards the dancefloor. "You could treat her right too, you know."_

 _I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes for just a moment. "No, I can't. I've never been in a relationship that has lasted longer than one year. I don't want to do that to her. She deserves better than that. Will can give that to her. It's easier to go to London and let her live a happy life."_

 _Now, Rossi turned to face me, but I kept refusing to look him in the eye. "What if she doesn't want to take the easy way out? What if this isn't the life she wants? What if she wants a life with you? If I learnt one thing about being married four times, it's that the easy road is never the one that should be walked."_

 _"You know, I'm starting to regret telling you about all this." A small chuckle escaped my lips. Rossi was the only person who knew about our feelings for each other and he had always been a good support. I always thought it would be Garcia who'd figure it out first. Yet, Rossi was the one that cornered me and started to interrogate me about my odd behaviour around JJ sometimes. Since he'd always been such a good friend, I'd decided to tell him everything. I was tired of keeping the massive secret all to myself. I let my arms fall to my side. "It's the best thing to do Rossi. At least for now."_

 _"Well, if you ever decide to come back, I'll be right here waiting to take you to her," the older profiler smiled, pulling me in a side hug. I returned his smile and nodded, never taking my eyes off the blonde woman who had been dancing in the center of the dancefloor. "Until then, your secret's safe with me."_

 _"Thanks."_

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 **Let me know what you think! Reviews (and even positive critisism) is always welcome!**


	3. Chapter 3

**As promised, the last chapter of the story!**

 **I was kind of hoping to see a little more reviews, but thank you to those who did. I hope you like this last chapter as well.**

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 **Chapter 3: Actions**

"I'm glad you're finally making the right decision." The voice breaks me from my thoughts. I hadn't even realised I had entered the main hall. "Took you long enough."

"David Rossi, straightforward as ever," I smile and close the remaining distance between us, allowing him to envelope me in a hug. "Thank you for doing this. How did you manage to get me the jet?"

He releases me from his arms, a wide smile occupying his lips. "Well, we happen to have an amazing technical analyst called Penelope Garcia, who can get us pretty much everything we ask for." He holds out his arm towards the exit, indicating it's time to go. "I didn't tell her why you needed to come back, but she was ecstatic to see you again. She told the FBI it was a matter of life and death and when they were sceptical, she threatened to shut down the entire FBI network."

"Ah, yes, that would be my girl." A chuckle escapes my lips as I imagine her pointing her finger at the FBI. Then I realise it wasn't just JJ I was missing. (Of course I missed her the most though). "I missed all of you, Rossi," I sigh as he lifts my suitcase in the trunk of his car and we both climb in. "Things aren't the same back in London. How is everyone doing?"

"Pretty good actually. We all missed you too. Especially JJ. Although, lately, she seems a bit aggitated." He explaines as we pull out the parking lot. Thick drops of rain start to cloud the windshield.

I run a hand through my hair and laugh nervously. "Yeah, that's probably because of how I left things the last time I saw her. I don't even know if I should be here right now. She has a life, she has two kids, she-"

"Doesn't have you," Rossi quickly adds before I can finish my sentence. He starts the wipers to keep the rain from obscuring his vision of the road. My eyes fall to my hands in my lap. I'm getting more nervous each street we pass, each mile we get closer to my destination. "You guys are meant to be together, Emily. Even if she's angry with you, she deserves to know."

I take a deep breath and release it slowly. My voice is soft and I turn my head to stare outside the window. "We both know how we feel about each other. We just never said it out loud." The rain is starting to come a bit faster now. I don't look at Rossi, but I can feel his eyes checking up on me every few minutes. He doesn't answer. I guess he's noticing my mind's drifting off to the last time I had seen JJ.

I had flown to New York to work on a case together with the BAU. A serial killer was imitating other serial killers and he had been taunting me. A female detective had been killed because of me. At first, I had nightmares about it. I was always following him, but I was never able to catch him and the detective died over and over in my dreams. When I met with the team, the detective in my dreams had been replaced by JJ, making the tornment even worse. The fear of losing her was reflecting into my dreams. Although we caught the bastard and we had a happy dinner afterwards, I can't help but feel angry at myself for leaving things like I did with JJ.

After I left, we never called. We never texted. I didn't hear from her again. Which is probably my own fault. Maybe I should enlighten you with what happened so you know why JJ will be angry next time she sees me.

 _"Again with the alley?" A soft voice spoke. I turn my head to see JJ walk out of the restaurant and towards me, her hands inside her pockets. "This will be the third time you're leaving, you know. Maybe it's time for you to stay."_

 _"You know it's not, JJ." I tried to smile, but it didn't reach my eyes. She came to a halt a few steps in front of me, not closing the distance between us. That's never a good sign. I took a step towards her and, almost simultaniously, she took a step back. "JJ.."_

 _"No, Emily, I can't keep doing this," she said, raising her hand defensively to stop me from coming any closer. Her voice was still soft. "I can't keep saying goodbye to you. If you can't stay, then maybe you should stop coming here."_

 _The words hurt, but I didn't let it show. I took another step closer, she took another step back. "JJ, you know I can't.."_

 _"Stop saying you can't!" Her voice was louder now, anger slipping into her tone. She let out a laugh. "You know, I always though that the words 'I can't' weren't in your dictionary. Emily Prentiss could always do everything. Emily Prentiss wasn't afraid of anything. She had it all. She had her compartments and everything fits in a box inside her head. Well, where do I fit? In the box that says 'this person's heart can be broken everytime I see her'?"_

 _I couldn't reply. I was so taken back by her sudden anger that I couldn't form proper words in my head. No, wait, I could form words. No, JJ, that's not true. No, JJ, you don't fit in any of those compartments. No, JJ, I never meant to break your heart. No, JJ, all I ever wanted was to be with you. None of those words ever left my lips. It seemed as if there was a malfunction between my brain and my mouth._

 _"You always pretend to be this tough woman who can do it all..." Angry tears filled her beautiful eyes, yet she refused to let them fall. Even though her entire body language screamed she was angry, she was still gorgeous. "But in fact you are a coward, Emily. You are a coward because you always run away when it comes to us. I'm willing to leave Will for you. Hell, I wasn't supposed to be with him in the first place. You pushed me towards him!"_

 _"JJ, I..."_

 _"No, save it. If you're just going to say 'I can't' again, then shut up. I'm done hearing those words." She angrily wiped at the tears on her cheeks, unable to controle them. I wanted so badly to just run over to her and wipe those tears away myself, but I couldn't. My feet felt as if they were glued to the very spot where I was standing. Her voice was a little softer again as she spoke, yet still filled with anger. "Next time, don't come back until you're ready for us. If you're not ready, then don't come back at all. And if you ever do decide to come back, I don't even know if I want this anymore."_

 _With that, she turned on her heels and walked back into the restaurant. We never said goodbye. I kept standing on that very same spot for the next thirty minutes as I was still processing what had happened. She was right, I kept running away from what I really wanted. The easy road always seemed so appealing. After taking a deep sigh, I walked towards my rental car and drove towards the airport._

That was one week ago. When I arrived back in London after that, I realized she was right. Her words kept repeating themselves inside my head. I am a coward. I always believed that, with leaving, I saved her from getting hurt. Yet, everytime I left, I broke her heart.

It takes some time for me to realise that the car had stopped. Maybe we're in front of a red light? I look around and see that we're not at traffic lights, but we're parked on the side of the road. Then I see it. "How long have we been standing in front of JJ's house?"

"About fifteen minutes," Rossi replies with a smile on his lips. "You seemed deep in thought so I figured I'd let you be for a while." There is a pause as if he's waiting for me to take action. When I don't move, he continues. "You love her, Emily. You'd do anything for her. You just flew 3.600 miles for her."

"I'd walk though fire for her if I have to." A small smile reaches my lips. My hand is on the door handle of the car, yet I find myself hesitating to get out. "But what if she doesn't want to see me? What if I'm doing the wrong thing here? It's four a.m., I don't want to wake her. Maybe you should just take me back to the airport."

"No way, kiddo, you are getting your ass out of this car and you are going to talk to her. You came all this way. Somehow, I doubt she'd object to you being here at four in the morning if she knows why you're here." He always makes everything seem so simple. He nudges me in the side as I close my eyes for a second and open the door, getting out in the rain.

Before I close the door of the car, I turn around. "Thank you for everything, Rossi." He nods appreciatively and I close the door. Then I wait for his tail lights to dissapear out of sight before turning towards JJ house. I pause for a moment, taking in a deep breath as I retreive my phone out of my pocket and dial an all too familiar number.

 _Maybe I'm living in a dream land_

 _Asking for a slap in the face_

 _But I just had to call you_

 _Just in case_

 _Just in case_

 _Catch my heart before it shatters_

 _And make me live again_

One ring. I swallow. Two rings. I hold my breath. Three rings. Still no answer. Four rings..

"Emily?"

I smile at the sleepy voice and my heart starts beating in my throat. "I can't live in a world without you." I tell her, skipping all hellos and how are yous. "I tried, JJ, I tried. I keep telling myself it's better for us to be apart, but I was lying to myself. I can't do this anymore. I miss your arms around me, I miss the warm feeling you give me."

She doesn't answer, but the padding of feet indicates she's walking down the stairs. A door closes, followed by a soft puffing sound. She's made herself comfortable on the couch. It still takes a few moments before she replies. "You're calling me at four thirty in the morning just to tell me that? You can tell me this over the phone, but you can't tell me in person?"

A grin reaches my lips as I stare at her front door. "Maybe you should come outside and find out."

"What?" The sudden sound of movement tells me she's jumped off the couch. It doesn't take long before the front door opens, revealing a confused and startled JJ in, to my surprise, one of my own oversized shirts and some long sleeping pants. Her Phone is still against her ear as she takes in the sight of me standing in the rain. She pulls at the door behind her, leaving only an inch of space so it wouldn't fall into its lock. She stands close against it, clear of the rain. "Emily, it's pouring rain. What are you doing?"

I toss my phone to the ground, not bothering to end the call. I'm done with phone calls. "I was wrong, JJ, I've been wrong for so many years," I start as I slowly walk towards her. My hair and clothes are soaking wet by now, but I don't care.

"Get out of the rain, you'll get -"

"Sick? I don't care. I'll stand out here in the rain on your porch for as long as I need to." My voice is full of confidence. I came here not really knowing what to say, but standing here in front of her, my mouth seems to automatically find the right words to tell her exactly how I feel. "You were right, Jennifer. I _am_ a coward. I pushed you towards Will because I thought he could make you happy. Because I thought it was easier than to admit that I was the one who wanted to be with you. I'm done taking the easy road, JJ, and I'm here to prove it."

Her grip on the phone tightens and she slowly lowers it to cross her arms over her chest. Her voice is strong, but I notice the quiver of her lip. "I don't know, Emily. What if you leave again?"

"I won't," I promise, wiping the rain off my cheeks. The salty taste indicates that the raindrops are in fact tears which are pouring from my eyes. "I promise I won't leave, Jennifer. I quit my job in London. I'm here to stay. The reason I didn't tell you how I feel before is that once I did, this all becomes _real._ It _scared_ me! In my attempts to protect my own feelings, I never considered yours and I'm sorry! I'm not scared anymore. Everytime I left things got harder and harder and I'm sick of it! I'm not a coward anymore, JJ, I'm here to tell you how I feel."

"How do I know that? How do I know you're not going to leave me once we hit our first rough path?" Her voice is slightly raised. Her eyes tell me she really wants to believe what I'm saying, but her voice trembles. How can I blame her? I always left and suddenly I'm in front of her house at four in the morning, confessing my undying love for her.

"We'll never hit a rough path," I tell her confidently. "We are made for each other. I just didn't want to admit it before." She looks away from me to hide the tears that are making their way to her eyes. "I want to admit it right now. I love you, Jennifer, I'm _in_ love with you and I have been for so many years. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you that."

She swallows and looks at me, a single tear falling down her cheek. "Sometimes love just isn't enough," She says to me calmly. She shrugs her shoulders, a weak smile portraying on her lips. "I want to believe you, Emily, I really do. But if you were really in love with me, you wouldn't have left all those times. You would've sucked it up and kissed me long before you pushed me to Will. So I really want to believe you're in love with me, I just-"

"What is my favorite food, JJ?" I cut her off, knowing I need to convince her that I really loved her all these years.

"Emily, you know what your favorite food is, I really doubt you need me to tell you."

A smile covers my features as I take two steps closer to the most beautiful woman I know. "Enlighten me. What's my favorite food?"

"French fries."

"What's my favorite fabric?"

"Silk."

"What are my two favorite colors?"

"Blue and gold. What's the point of all this, Emily? You want to prove how well I know you?" She looks at me in confusion as she arches an eyebrow, but all I can do is smile.

Taking another two steps closer, I'm now only two metres in front of her. "The point is not only how well you know me, JJ. Do you know why those are my favorites?" She shakes her head, arms still crossed over her chest. "My favorite food are French fries because I love the way you nibble at them like a little rabbit eats a carrot. My favorite fabric is silk because that's what your lips feel like on my body." I pause for a moment as I see her arms slowly come out of the defensive position in front of her chest. "My two favorite colors are blue and gold because blue is the gorgeous color of your eyes and gold is the tiny little twinkle in your eye when you look at me when we're together."

Her arms now fall to her side as she drops the phone to the ground. "So you really love me, huh?" Her mouth curls up in a smile, which I can only return.

"I told you, Jennifer. I'm in love with you. I was just a coward who refused to admit my feelings. I know I'm being selfish, tearing you away from your family, but I _need_ to be selfish right now. I just hope I'm not too late." I look at her closely, but before I can try to read the emotion in her eyes, she lunges at me. A small puffing sound escapes my lips as our bodies collied for mere seconds before her lips cover mine, muffling every sound that comes out of my mouth. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her impossibly close as I eagerly return the kiss.

Only when air becomes an issue, we break apart and she wipes the rain (or are those tears still there? I can't really tell the difference) from my cheeks. "You're never too late, Em. I would've waited for you forever. I just wanted you to feel what I felt everytime you left."

"Okay I deserved that." A small chuckle escapes both our lips before I raise my hand to rest on the back of her neck. I pull her in for another kiss, which she happily accepts. Our tongues meet and, mixed with the rain, it's the best damn kiss we ever shared. Our foreheads rest together as our kiss ends, a smile portrayed on both our lips. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a figure standing near the door. "Will, I, we,.." The words that had so automatically left my lips only minutes before seem to completely disappear.

JJ quickly turns around to find her husband leaning against the doorframe with, oddly, a smile on his face. She opens her mouth to speak, yet no words leave her lips. I notice, even with this awkward situation, one of her arms has never left my waist.

"It's okay, chère," he speaks softly, making his way down the stairs. "I knew someday this had to happen." He walks towards me and for a moment I thought he was going to hit me square in the face. Instead, he pulls me in a hug and whispers in my ear. "She was never really mine, Emily, she's always been yours."

"Will, I never meant to hurt-" he silences me by pulling back and turning around to hug his (soon to be ex) wife.

"I've always known, JJ," he says to her as he hugs her too. "As long as you're happy, so am I. We'll figure something out with the kids." How can he be okay with the fact that I'm standing on his porch at five in the morning to steal his wife away from him in his own house? Will really is the dream husband for every straight woman on the planet.

JJ can only nod as he releases her, before he turns back and disappears into the house. I quickly pull her towards me again, wiping the fallen tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry to tear your family apart."

"It's okay, Em." She pulls me in a tight hug, wrapping her arms around me and burying her face in the crook of my neck. "If you hadn't done what you did right now then... The next time you would've come here for a case, I would've kicked you back to London before you even landed."

I start laughing as she pulls back to look me in the eye with determination. "Oh, you're serious," I whisper as I swallow my laughter. Her smile grows wider as she kisses me again, pressing our bodies together. I never thought kissing in the pouring rain would be so romantic.

Right now, I might be out of a job and I might not have a big fashioned house, but I do have the woman of my dreams in my arms. That's more than enough for me since it's all I ever wanted. I'm not afraid to admit it anymore. I'm in love with this woman and I will do anything to make her happy.

 _If you think baby after so long_

 _That I'm over you baby you're so wrong_

 _I want you back_

 _Everytime I kiss I still kiss you_

 _No matter who it is I still miss you_

 _I want you back_

 _If you think baby after so long_

 _That I'm over you baby you're so wrong_

 _I want you back_

 _In my life_

 _I want you back_

 _In my life_

 _I want you back_

 _"Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears"_

 _\- Arthur Koestler_

 **The End**

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 **And that's the end! Reviews are always appreciated! I might post the introduction chapter of my new story (it will involve two actual cases plus the rest of the team!) before the year ends! Have a great Christmas y'all!**


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